Maybe I should give a brief history of me for this introductory piece in order to understand how I came to such a controversial position.
Up until my last year of college I had not found the feminist issue important or relevant. I was trying to overthrow the system in other ways and felt that sexism was a sideshow that would just work itself out. I even fell back on some truly ludicrous arguments that still embarrass me to this day. For example “most famous people throughout history are men, why did women never step up and take the reins”. I know, trust me if anyone hates that past me it is present me. It wasn’t until meeting some very strong and independent women, various nights out clubbing and ultimately university that I came to see the reality of the situation.
Up until this point the only time I had been with guys who were intoxicated had been my mates and, if I got one thing right, it was them, no matter how drunk they were, they were always gentlemen towards the women. So on a night out with people I did not know so well I was dismayed by the things I saw. I could recount countless anecdotes of the behaviour I have seen in clubs from guys who you would at first think were perfectly decent human beings giving the amount of respect deserved to another human being. Guys waiting outside the girls toilets waiting to pounce on women trying to enjoy their night out, casual slaps on the arse as though it was the most mundane thing you could do, doggedly pursuing a distressed girl through a club trying to “get with her”.
I swore to myself I wouldn’t recount anecdotes, apologies. I wonder why they do this, and yes it may be easy enough to blame it on the booze, plain and simple. Alas I can’t bring myself to. For me it is something more to do with their opinion of one another and how that dynamic plays out when they become “the pack”. That isn’t to say that on their own guys are great, just that when they are in larger numbers they let the slightly nastier side come out. This isn’t just directed at women either, I have seen groups of guys do nasty things to all sorts of people, all because they feel the need to constantly validate one another. This doesn’t just go for the typical 'jock' like characters, although they are the most well-known and clichéd, there are also the more insecure types, who, for various reasons, also perpetuate the sexism we see in the world around us.
This group are worth paying particular attention to, because unlike the former, from whom you expect this kind of behaviour when sober, this group think that at a club they can somehow get away with it. This feeds into the great “she was asking for it” farce. These men can at times be even more dangerous, as I have seen they choose to drink noticeably less than everyone else, hoping that alcohol can be on their side for once.
However, what underlines all of this, is not necessarily the action; but the attitude towards women. Even when someone has been caught in the act, they defend themselves to the point where they are willing to come to blows. Moreover when sober friends come and defend the actions of these men, it makes even more clear the fact that this kind of behaviour can in no way be blamed on alcohol.
So to return to the opening salvo, “most men are arseholes”. Of course this is incredibly personal to my own experiences, and I will be first to say that I know many males who are decent human beings. However, the one point I would like to stress is that it is an active choice to behave in an unpleasant, disrespectful way towards women. It is impossible to claim that “they know no better” and that they don’t understand what they are doing. They do, society and the media certainly don’t help but we need to allocate blame on the autonomous agents, as individuals responsible for their actions. If we claim that they are just victims of the system, we are only propagating this sexism and missing the crux of the problem.
Social sexism can no longer be dealt with through du jure change (equality before the law), rather it now it has to deal with the issue through de facto change (a change of attitudes). We need to tell the individual that what they are doing is unequivocally wrong, rather than hoping that with enough bottom down enforcement and legislation the issue will be solved.
So to conclude a casual reminder is perhaps in order: sometimes we get carried away with the idea that society is responsible for the daily bombardment of sexism, that it influences people to the point where they harass women both physically and verbally. And to a degree this is true, we are undoubtedly influenced by our enviroment. However we cannot blame everything on a societal level. As rational and automonous human beings we are all responsible for the actions we take, the individual is as much to blame as the society and culture they are from. That is why to really solve sexism in the 21st century it is not just necessary to have a top down legislative change but also an individual approach to the people who perpetuate it on an everyday basis.
Written by Micheal
Picture Credit: Cieran
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